Choice

I look at my beautiful twins and am so thankful for choice.

After thinking for many years that I would not have children, we stumbled onto surrogacy.  All of my options, those we chose to take, up until this point had been exhausted.   Following some pretty heavy research, there was a choice that needed to be made and we were faced with two options.  To either accept fully that I will never have my own children in my life, or to follow a non-standard non-traditional approach to have children.  The choice was made and it was relatively easy. 

For those who are faced with a similar choice in their lives at this point in time, try to look beyond any emotional issues you may face, or think you may, with using donor eggs or sperm, having another woman carry your baby, the insecurity of perhaps not "bonding" with your child following birth.  Whilst at the time of considering your choice these issues may seem impassable, look beyond - for me they have faded into total insignificance.

If we did not choose surrogacy, I would not be holding these precious items now.  I would not be planning for Christmas, birthdays, holidays as a family.  I was happy in my life before James & Ivy; but I now live in another dimension.  One year ago today, we flew to Delhi to embark on our choice.

I look at my twins and they are totally, absolutely my children.  Regardless of how we got here.

Six weeks.

We have been home three weeks now and James and Ivy continue to thrive. At the last weigh in about two weeks ago, both had put on 1kg and were nearing the 3.5kg mark. Ivy unfortunately has had severe reflux and is on medication which is easing her pain somewhat.  James is such a placid easy-going guy and just loves to sleep.  They are both sleeping five to six hours through the night, which is just wonderful, particularly when it can take a while to settle Ivy down after a feed. 

To be totally honest, I am not sure how I would have coped if James had the same severity of reflux as Ivy.  It is incredibly taxing to try to soothe a little one and feeling the stress of seeing the pain in her eyes.  It can also be frustrating as there are many times when there is simply very little you can do to help.

In saying all of that, there is nothing that compares to being a Mum.  If there was ever any doubt as to how I would bond with my babies after being carried for 37 weeks by someone else, these were expelled immediately after birth.  I am loving the responsibility that comes with being a Mum and the emotional attachment that I have to these little humans.  It is so intense at times and when I look back pre babies, I understand now the huge void that existed in my life. 

They are very sweet, and of course they are smiling, talking almost walking because they are the most super-human babies ever.  Ivy will certainly be the strong-willed one and James will do whatever he's told, unless he's really annoyed, then all hell will break loose.  The cats have adapted well, except for one, who thinks there's a howling tomcat just around the corner whenever Ivy cries!  I have decided to feed James & Ivy individually during the day when I'm home alone, only by about 1/2 hour and by the time it's time for night sleep, I have adjusted so that they are feeding evenly.  Ivy loves her feeds and I can adapt her feeds to fit in with James, who needs his routine.  I find feed time very special and I just love holding and devoting my time solely on whomever I'm feeding.  I did try the simultaneous feed, but found this just was not for me.  It does mean that I do very little during the day other than feed, clean and settle my babies, but I figure everything else can wait in order of priority!

I still cannot believe that one year ago we had made our first trip to India.  It has been a remarkable journey and the last eight weeks have really been etched in my mind as the best in my life.

Ivy Margaret May

Ivy in her new outfit

James doing what he does best

First day home - with my darling nephews

James' cat's bum face

Homeward bound....

That's right.  Three weeks after arrival, 2.5 weeks after birth, we leave Delhi tomorrow (Sunday) evening.  Whilst it is great to be heading home, I can't but help feel a little sad.  There have been so many wonderful people that have helped us in India; people who have genuinely wanted to help us in reaching our final goal, to take our babies home.  Particularly SCI who have been as supportive and caring as ever; Poonam who assisted us with all of our documentation and provided us with invaluable advice has been an absolute godsend (and a lovely person) in helping us to get home sooner;  the efficient staff at the Australian High Commission who went above and beyond their duties; Rahul and his drivers who have been caring and knowledgable (and it has been wonderful to listen to their stories); Dr Tandon who delivered our babies and provided ongoing professional care in James' and Ivy's follow up appointments; the staff at the Hotel Svelte..... the list can continue forever. 

But it has all made an impression on us and as this part of our journey draws to a close, it is difficult to leave such a remarkable place where my reason for being started. 

Ivy & James - One week old!

This time last week we were blessed with the birth of our darling babies, Ivy & James.  It is hard to explain the emotion we felt whilst at the hospital awaiting their delivery, then being congratulated by the doctor on the birth of one boy and one girl.  We will never forget that.

Ivy & James have matured so much in only one week - their personalities are developing; Ivy being the sweet natured little girl (except for feed time); James is cheeky and sooky. 

Both are very healthy and continue to feed well.  Although our sleep is suffering (cough understatment) we are really loving the time we are able to spend with them at the moment, it is a very special time.

We are hopeful that we will be returning back home in 1.5 week's time, making our time here (post birth) of 2.5 weeks.  We are sooo looking forward to returning home and introducing Ivy & James to our family!!

Thanks everyone for your kind words & congratulations.  It is lovely to read all the comments and support out there.

Leap Year Babies....

We feel so special to welcome our darling twins - Ivy Margaret May & James Raymond George on 29 February. Although they were due on 1 March, they obviously wanted to be that bit special. Both are healthy - Ivy weighed 5lb7oz & James 5lb4oz. Both will be discharged tomorrow as they are taking their bottle so well.  We are so thankful to our surrogate and SCI of turning the last eight months of scans and reports into little human beans!

Ivy Margaret May

James Raymond George

The stork is enroute....

We arrived in Delhi on Saturday, in amidst of International World Book Week which kicked off on 25 Feb.   The Svelte is great, the shopping centre which adjoins is a nice and easy reprieve from the hotel room, and also has some lovely eating places.  Unfortunately, Jim has a nasty sinus infection and has not felt up to getting out and about. 

Much more exciting though, is the news that our surrogate will be having a c-section this Thursday, 1 March 2011, at 12pm (Delhi time).  We are so excited to hear this news, however, our thoughts are with Rena who has to go through this operation in order to give us our dreams.  There have been recent changes in relation to the exit process, in that the Govt of India has streamlined the process, so hopefully this means we will be able to return home a bit earlier than planned.
Krissie & Jim

Update - almost full term!

Not a great deal to report - we received an email from Deepika informing us "that our surrogate will be full term (37 weeks) by 29th February, 2012 and the due date is 21st March, 2012. So, the babies can be born on any day between 29th February, 2012 to 21st March, 2012.  In regards to the same, we would like to request you to please plan to be in India by 27th February, 2012".

It's quite amazing that back in Decemember when we booked our flights to Delhi, we had booked to depart 25 February.  The reason being - we thought it was as good a day as any, plus it would have been my mum's birthday.  Anyhow, we are still planning to depart this Saturday and will definitely be in India by 27th February!!!  There's every chance also I guess that the babies may be born on 29th February - I guess with twins one birthday every two years is fair enough :)

I really do hope that we won't have too long to wait in Delhi for the birth.  We have almost reached the excruciating summit of Mt Waiting, and are simply exhausted by the journey and the continual climb to reach the end.  Of course it will all be worth it, but the wait is tough.  Put simply, I want these babies now.  I have waited long enough in my almost 45 years of life and I do not want to wait another day more, only to wait another day more.  I know, it doesn't make sense, but I am over "being ready" and "patient".   Perhaps when we are in Delhi, the waiting won't seem quite as bad - maybe I will catch up on the sleep that I am not having now, perhaps I will just treat it as R&R, but more than likely, and quite probably, I will go nuts.  Oh, and also drive Jim incredibly nuts. 

So, two huge bags have been packed and I am quite happy with everything that we've managed to fit in.  It will feel strange getting on that plane to Delhi - we've done it twice before but this time will be very different.  Everything in our lives will change from this point forward.  Saying our farewells beforehand, knowing that when we see these people again, there will be four of us!  It is difficult to express how we are feeling at the moment; we are excited but I think this will really kick in when it all becomes a reality.

Congratulations to all of those who have had some wonderful results and thanks to those who have, and continue to,  provide inspirational and encouraging updates. 

Krissie & Jim

34 weeks and an update

We received an unexpected email from SCI last night - a scan of our babies at 34 weeks.  It now appears that Martha has picked up her eating habits and is now weighing in at 2092grams & Arthur now is at 2406 grams.  All is very well with our surrogate and bubs and of course we are so thankful.  We are ready to head to Delhi on 25 February, but it has been mentioned by some fellow surrogate friends that given the size of Arthur & Martha, they may actually arrive a little earlier than us!  Not to mention, if I hadn't slept soundly before this point, I ain't going to sleep at all now! 

I have been on maternity leave for one week and am really enjoying preparing for the birth of the babies.  I am so glad I took the time out to make the transition from "work mode", it's made a huge difference to my stress levels - I'm now stressfully relaxing....

I have to make mention to all the great people we have met through our surrogacy journey - the kind heartedness and comradeship of others going through, been through, about to go through, the journey is heartwarming.  We were really fortunate to have met up with a wonderful couple who have just celebrated their triplets' first birthday, born through surrogacy.  This meeting has finally brought realism to me, in a big way!

Discrepancy?

Our 32 week scan arrived last night and all is fine, EXCEPT there is a "discrepancy between the twins".  Little Martha is weighing in at 1714 grams; Arthur 2142 grams.  That's about a pound difference.  Whilst Dr Shivani has reviewed the report and found everything fine, except for the discrepancy, it is enough to unsettle us.  My anxiety is already at a level that causes me more anxiety; I would consider similar to consuming several energy drinks alternating with triple shot lattes.  I think I am a little uptight.  Hence the wine.  

We aren't sure what to expect with the birth and if in fact, the discrepancy means that an earlier birth may be imminent.  Arthur is in breech (typical) position Martha cephalic.  Anyhow, we are still planning to fly out on 25 February and be in India for the births.  I have decided to work only another week of work then commence annual leave, followed by maternity leave.  My work is so all consuming that I really want to have a break, albeit short, to stop thinking about work (constantly) and start thinking about the next phase in my life, being a mother. 

So, for now, I remain split between my best friends - my HP tablet and my mobile phone.  I am soooo looking forward to breaking it off with them (maybe) when I no longer have to rely on their companionship to receive my late night emails and research. 

32 weeks, almost

Almost 32 weeks and we are eagerly awaiting the next scan which is due towards the end of next week.  With all of the necessary documentation completed, we are now officially on standby for deployment of evacuation code yellow!  This means that we have done as much as humanly possible to prepare, pack, organise, and then re-pack, re-organise and re-check.  We are so fortunate that our pregnancy is progressing really well and have decided that we would like to be in Delhi for the birth, if possible.  Sounds easy, doesn't it.  We will wait to see the details on the next scan and then decide when we will travel.  DNA testing has been completed,  visas were received within one week of lodging and flights & accommodation booked.  I'm over the wait, just get me there.  Then perhaps it might feel real?

Although I am now thinking more and more of our babies; it still feels strange to think that we will be a family in a matter of a month or so.   I continually go into the nursery, not really looking at anything in particular, but I think just to confirm that it all is happening.  It still doesn't feel real; to think that less than one year ago we set out on this trek and here we are today.  I've had many trekking adventures, of a different type of course  - South America, Borneo, Nepal, Africa.  All have been satisfying, particularly when the end is reached and you're able to reflect on the challenges and obstacles overcome during the ordeal. There were many times during each when you wondered why you would put yourself through it, but at the end there always was a sense of euphoria and accomplishment.  Only if you had gone through it, would you experience this sensation - explanations don't seem to do these feelings justice.  I think that's what it's like with surrogacy and which can only be truly understood by those who are on the same trek as yourself.

On another note, every now & then I have total freak out where I become totally obsessed with finding out something I don't know.  While experimenting with my electronic steam steriliser, following the instructions word for word, I was given a demonstration by a friend of mine, a mother of two.  It soon become apparent to me that sterilisation in the context of clinical or medical sterilisation which is the only sterilisation I know, is NOT the same as sterilising soothers on your kitchen bench.  Anyway, after much frustrated discussion, I gave up.  The soothers do not need to be sterilised according to the national health standards to counteract an outbreak of infectious disease.  I have since learnt that I need to get out more on weekends.

I will be starting to pack our bags this coming weekend, so will def be referring to some blogs to help out.  Nothing like organising and re-organising to pass the time.  I will update details next week of Arthur & Martha when the scans are received.

Just for something cute....

Ok, it's not a baby, but it's pretty damn cute!  Woke up and found him (or her) in our Jacaranda tree in our backyard.... the cats were terrified to say the least...

The Wall

Lo and behold.  Our scan last week revealed that our baby twins are growing fat and happy.  What a relief it was to quell my irrational fears.  The babies are still there, they haven't performed a vanishing act and disappeared into thin air, nor have they been abducted by some kind of infertile alien.  No, there they are, sitting on their bottoms taking it all in. (Mmmmm, let's hope that's not a sign of things to come!).

They are now 29 weeks, or 7 months, or birth minus approx 7 weeks.  I'm as prepared as I can practically be; however, the emotions that ensued I could not prepare for.  Xmas Day was the milestone for me - that was the date that I wanted to reach because Arthur & Martha would be at the 7 month mark and  it then all "becomes real".  Well, from Xmas Day, can I tell you, hellllooooo emotions!  And why?  Because my "wall" is crumbling.  It's crumbling, because it can; my dependency on this barricade that has taken me years to build as a self protection measure is falling apart.  I no longer have to hide behind it when I'm faced with a situation I don't want to be in, but have to be, involving children, ie other people's children.  The wall is crumbling, almost piece by piece, and my emotions are opening up and leaking through.  In other words, I am a bumbling mess.  But I am relieved; relieved at the fact that I will soon no longer need the wall. 

On another note, our visas arrived today which took less than one week to process.  Flights have been arranged, accommodation booked, maternity leave confirmed, nursery established.  Now all we have to do is wait......... I do agree with Suzie though, the time is FLYING and has gone so quickly.  This time last year, our area was hard hit with devastating floods; we had just returned from a trip to the UK and were unable to return to work as we couldn't get out of our street.  To think that so much has happened in the course of a year...to think so much will change in the matter of weeks..... yikes and yippee

Christmas was lovely; we received many lovely gifts from our family for the babies, particularly two beautiful mobiles that have been imported from Asia.  They are a type of paper mache - one with brightly coloured birds, the other with elephants.  They will be treasured forever. 

For those starting out on their journey, I truly hope 2012 will be a wonderful year for you.  It has taken us a lot of years and heartache to get there, but it certainly looks like 2012 will be the wonderful year we have been seeking for so long.

You are so brave......

A number of my work colleagues have said this phrase to me, not because I have just explained our surrogacy situation, but because I decided to go all out and get my hair chopped off.   With tongue in cheek, my response has been "if you call this brave, we're having twins in India".  I do love my new hair cut, but I love even more the fact that we are now just over the 27 week mark.  Eveyone has been so supportive and my work friends are continually coming up with the positives of going through surrogacy.  I really don't work with a bunch of alcholics, but the fact that I can still drink alcohol whilst pregnant continues to be at the top of the list, followed closely by the lack of stretch marks.

Whilst Arthur & Martha continue to grow, the time is ticking by, slowly.  I would say that with monthly updates, sometimes it is easy to "forget" for a minute that we will be parents very soon.  In saying that, I'm prepared - the spare room has been converted to a nursery, in the sense that it is FULL of baby gear which I have picked up at sales.  I haven't organised the nursery, everything is still packed up, but at least I know it's there.  I am pleased to say that I have not made a purchase of an item at full price & most of the purchases have been online.

I have, on two occasions, visited a baby shop where very young (ok a fair bit younger than me which really doesn't make them that young) and very pregnant (and not as pregnant as me, but of course I'm not showing) walk around rubbing their bellies.  When asked by a fellow elderly gentleman who was shopping in this particular shop, if we were looking at baby stuff for our daughter as he was for his (and I might add he looked 20 years older than me) I simply did not have a response.  I just needed to escape, which we did.  In hindsight, there was no ill intent, I think it was just the shock of it for me, and I just wasn't prepared for it.  I should have taken the time to explain, which I have since to people who have heard something babyish is happening for us and there expectations have been that we are about to become grandparents.  Oh well, it's all part of the journey and there are many things you just can't prepare yourself for.

When we found out we were successful with this surrogacy, I never thought I would be able to make it to Xmas.  It seemed so far away and my thoughts were that surely, if I did make it to Xmas, I would just be beside myself with wonderful thoughts of impending motherhood.  Well, we did make it to Xmas and we are so looking forward to parenthood, but there is also an element of it all being very surreal.  I think it will only feel "real" when we hold our babies for the first time, maybe not even then, maybe holding them for the second time.  My god, what if I won't be able to stop holding them because I cannot believe that they're mine!  I cannot even imagine what it will feel like to hold my baby/ies, probably because I have never allowed myself to really think about it in the past, as it was just never going to be.

But it is going to be.  And there are simply no words to adequately thank our surrogate and Dr Shivani and her team, for making this happen.  It is going to happen, after years of sadness, after months of doubt and pessimism, this will be our last Xmas as a couple.  We are going to have a family.   There, I've said it and I now believe it.  Finally.

Merry Xmas to all and may 2012 bring you much happiness and hope.

and let the truth be told...

To tell or not to tell....  How much longer could we realistically keep this a secret from most of my colleagues and senior management, although the thought of just turning up to work with twins sounded a bit like fun to me.  I became reliant on the "let's just wait until the next scan/update" and realised that soon this will become "let's just wait until we are back with the babies", possibly then extending out to "let's just wait until their first birthday is over".  Realistically though, I knew the time had come.  My manager had known for some time and I gave him the "ok" last week to advise the founders of the College (who happen to be his parents)!  It became known as operation "Arthur & Martha", and it was deployed in a fashion that rivalled any military operation in history, or possibly earlier.

I might add that I was sick at the thought of people knowing.  I had become comfortable with my two worlds; work was work and home was home.  I never allowed these to mix during operation "Arthur & Martha", otherwise I would have gone absolutely, completely bonkers. I realised how much I wanted people to accept our situation as "normal" and how much the people I work with meant to me. 

Ok, so how do I tell them.  My boss told his managers (parents) and they were extremely happy for me with hugs and words of understanding.  That was my first tears, I don't usually cry, well not in front of people or animals.  This wasn't how I wanted to display my emotions, I was losing control, oh blast.  But I could not help it.  I began to tell more people and always started my conversation with "I won't be here for at least four months next year...".  The looks of concern confused me - no-one had thought that it would be due to me having babies (no doubt because I'm past the "child bearing age", just).  They were expecting some dreadful life threatening news like I was about to undergo some radical extensive treatment for a brain tumour or the like.  I quickly changed my leading statement.

Anyhow, everyone has been absolutely wonderful.  And it has been a huge gargantuous massive relief for me.  I can talk about the babies, openly. People now know and ask me questions.  Mission accomplished.  News is spreading.  I'm receiving phone calls from long lost friends, thanks to a very excited sister in law who has been placed on blood pressure tablets and believes this is due to the fact that I would not allow her to tell people sooner.  My nephew on the other hand, is a little put out, and doesn't want girl cousins.

The one person though that I would have loved to have told is my mum.  She passed away last year but I know that she would be so so happy and she has our little baby girl from earlier this year in her arms, who is aptly named after her.

So for all of you who are worried about telling people your news, use your gut feel, you do know when the time is right.  It isn't always the same for everyone; it's when you feel as comfortable as you think you can be, that is, without waiting until your child/children turns 21!

Paranoia, maybe

It has been some time since my last post.  Not because I haven't thought about it or I haven't had time. It's due to a condition I've developed since IVF called "PARANOIA".   I have a sense that as soon as I open my heart and tell the world, something so dreadful will happen that I so regret having opened my heart (& mouth) in the first place.  This I learnt quickly through IVF when I was convinced that it would all turn out right THE FIRST TIME.  But it most certainly didn't!  It's now time though that we do seriously have to start communicating, otherwise there are going to be some very very confused people in a few months time!  Our surrogate mother continues to carry for us, with twins, whom I've aptly named Arthur & Martha.  They are now 20 weeks, crap, that's five months.  The time has gone quickly, no it hasn't, it's gone slowly, but quickly, but stressfully.  I don't really know, I just know that as soon as we return with Arthur & Martha in our arms, I am going to place my phone on silent, permanently.  If I get an email at 11.34pm, I will not care.  I will check my email at a godly hour, like when I wake up!  What a luxury that will be!

Arthur & Martha are doing wonderfully well; the porky one (who of course is Arthur) is thriving; the shy, petite twin, Martha, is smart and cunning, of course.  She shows only parts of her face each time, unlike Arthur, who appears to be very photogenic.

Panic is imminent.  The realisation that we are at 5 months seems surreal.  Although I have been gradually purchasing items (all items on special I might add), I am now concerned that I may have overlooked something.  What if I have missed something, what if I haven't got an item that I don't know what it is, but I need it, or might need, or use once, or not at all but is there just in case.  I'm so convinced that if I don't get these items now, whatever they may be, that as soon as the babies arrive, the shopping centre down the road will self combust, my car will no longer operate, I will have no friends, relatives or even husband able to get something for me.  If only I had purchased THAT item.  What kind of mother will I be.

I had informed my boss some time back and now a handful of people know; people I have chosen to know.  Most of my colleagues do not know; my boss has said that whenever I am ready, we will communicate to everyone.  The problem is , I am not ever going to be ready, not until my babies are back here.  But I know that I can't wait that long, I know that people need to know, that I can't go on pretending that things are "normal".  Working in a school, most people take leave at the end of the term, that is in three weeks' time.  They do not return until late January.  By that time we will be another 10 weeks advanced and almost due.  Monday is the day that I will tell my boss that I'm ready.  Well, kinda ready, maybe.  Or maybe the week after...

Needless to say it has been a journey, we had lost two babies with another surrogate and we are so pleased that we went with two surrogates as we wouldn't now have Arthur & Martha.  It would be horrendous to think what we would be feeling like if we only went with the one.  My recommendation, anyone able to go with two surrogates, should.  We are wonderfully happy and so ready to become a family.  Thank you Dr Shivani and team; we knew what we started with and we wanted to end with, but it's Dr Shivani and her team that have made the journey for us.

Nine weeks & conflict

Well, today marks the nine week mark and unbelievably, the time has gone quickly.  All is well with our two surrogate mothers and the secrets they are carrying for us with heartbeats and growth all being normal.  In the background, we are trying to carry on as per normal, as normal as can be, however this is becoming increasingly more difficult.  More difficult than I thought actually.  Whilst we are cautiously excited and optimistic, it is really hard to maintain normality at work, particularly with my boss.  Plans for next year, budgeting, resources, staffing - discussions are all taking place now.  A part of me does not want to mention anything to my boss as it's far too early, but I'm caught somewhere between loyalty and rationality.  It would make it so much easier for my employer to know the details NOW, for financial reasons, but I can't.  There are times when I feel like blurting it out, but how would it sound without any thought given to my words "Richard, I'm expecting but I'm not pregnant and I will need to take either maternity or adoption leave early next year to pick up some babies from India".  mmmm, I think I will hold off a little longer....it's too hard to think about at the moment! 

We have told close family members, all of whom are very happy for us.  We have been in the process of consolidating our cars and of course, thought has been given to an extended family and the carrying capacity of a new vehicle.  It is quite funny to see the expression on the faces of strangers, when we mention why we may need a large vehicle.  They are cautious and you can literally hear their thoughts "did they say grandchildren??".Whilst I'm 44, Jim has turned the big 50, but at long last, we have found our purpose in life.   Ok, we've said it, we've actually told people who we don't know what we are doing. It's actually quite fun.... but I'm sure it's going to be a whole lot different when it comes to work.....  

On reading blogs by Dr Shivani's clients, I feel privileged to be a part of this exclusive minority group who are all sharing the same journey.  It is a pretty special group.  On the baby front, scans are due again next Monday; I have never looked forward to the end of a weekend so much before!

Early Days

The long awaited result from our 2ww is yes & yes.  We have multiples in both surrogates.  Heartbeats are all present and all is well at this very early stage of 7 weeks (today).  Next week we hopefully will have a better idea how everything is progressing.  In the meantime, we literally jump to the phone when its ring tone notifies us that we have received an email.  Of course it is usually something that I have subscribed years ago and I have forgotten to cancel THAT subscription.  I am also guilty of checking my phone (yes, placed very strategically on my bedside table to accommodate a quick retrieval in the middle of the night without turning the light on) at least once a night, just in case I may not have heard an email come through.  I'm not sure why I wouldn't hear it - I have the tone turned up as loud as possible, to the point of embarrassing when it sounds during the day! 

It is hard to be cautious whilst remaining optimistic; and vice versa.  Our chances are good, but then so would one think would be the case with fertility and falling pregnant naturally.  I once had a boss that told me that woman are placed on the earth to breed; he sincerely believed it.  Yet I wonder now what his thoughts are on surrogacy.   I'm quietly wondering how people will react, such as my colleagues, when all is revealed.  I know one thing - negativity won't be tolerated!  I am not too old (44 in a couple of days) and no,  I do not want to start thinking about retirement.  Watch out people, accept or be told!!!

Krissie & Jim

Fast forward 3 months....

Three months have gone so fast, and so much seems to have happened, yet really not that much to report.  It really does seems like eons ago since we started our surrogacy journey.....

Following our first trip to India in late April, we ended up with a "weak" positive result.  Whilst we remained hopeful, we knew what this meant, and this proved to be correct after three blood tests.  Our lovely surrogate mother then miscarried, but we were reasonably prepared following the beta results which were coming through each 48 hours.  I still recall that first email from SCI late on a Monday night, hearing an email come through my phone (of course situated on my bedside table!), knowing that this would be the pregnancy results.  I was shaking almost to the point that I couldn't open the message.    Unfortunately the news wasn't good from the start.  We had transferred three embryos and had frozen three, however these were not the best.

We remained focused and knew that we wanted to pursue this direction in our life; how could we not.  The decision to pursue surrogacy is not made lightly, but it is funny how it now seems the "norm".  It certainly is to us to the point that our conversations would not be comprehensible to others (and this is something that we must remember!).  At this point we have only told the immediate family what we are doing, Jim's two teenage daughters, his mum, my dad and brother.  My mum passed away last year, but I know that she would be happy for me.

Our second attempt occurred two months and one day after the first, only because we could not re-enter India any sooner and had to wait two months.  We applied for a multi-visit visa which we were granted and were off again on the 26 July.  We had decided not to use the frozen embryos, time isn't on our side and we were worried about the quality of Jim's sperm.  Jim had a sperm extraction on the first visit, and due to the quality, none were frozen. 

It was quite incredible how familiar Delhi seemed on the second visit.  In honesty, it was good to be back and actually doing something rather than talking about it!  The second attempt started better than the first; sperm quality was better and our wonderful egg donor had a lovely nest of eggs.  This all resulted in a transfer of five embryos to one surrogate mother and four to another.  I am glad we met these lovely ladies, even though words cannot express our gratitude I'm sure they got the message!  So, we are now in our 2WW again.

We cannot thank SCI enough.  They are far exceeding our expectations of dealing with a surrogacy agency in India, if you ever could imagine what that might be like.  Their professionalism, time management and wonderful personable staff would put a lot of western organisations to shame.

Krissie & Jim

The beginning...

I'm not usually a blogger and find writing about my life somewhat uncomfortable.  Hence I'm not an avid Facebooker and I am considered odd (by gen zero intelligence) that my "friends" are less than 100.   However, I am drawn to reading blogs of courageous people who have undertaken the journey of surrogacy.  Why courageous?  Because it is only the small minority who could fully understand the concept and miracle of surrogacy, and then proceed down the path of fulfilling their dream.  The vast majority unfortunately see it another light; usually because they don't perceive it as normal.  This is "normal" to some and what a journey!

In two weeks, we head to India to initiate our attempt at having a child through surrogacy.  Each blog I read, in some way, prepares us for this jouney.  If I can, in turn, offer just one small ounce of courage to someone contemplating this direction, then this blog will all be worth it!

There are two things I am sure of. I love my husband, and I love my cats.  And yes, in that order, most of the time.  My husband and I came together after having a life elsewhere.  I was married then divorced, then travelled and lived very independently. My husband had a family with now two daughters in their late teens.  I always thought the family thing wasn't for me.  Then things changed.  I'm not sure when, or how.  But it did and I realised that a loving husband, the adventure holidays and my collection of cats were no longer enough, anymore.  Conception was impossible for us and after failed IVF attempts, this is the path we have chosen. We are very excited and am looking forward to our short trip to India.