Choice

I look at my beautiful twins and am so thankful for choice.

After thinking for many years that I would not have children, we stumbled onto surrogacy.  All of my options, those we chose to take, up until this point had been exhausted.   Following some pretty heavy research, there was a choice that needed to be made and we were faced with two options.  To either accept fully that I will never have my own children in my life, or to follow a non-standard non-traditional approach to have children.  The choice was made and it was relatively easy. 

For those who are faced with a similar choice in their lives at this point in time, try to look beyond any emotional issues you may face, or think you may, with using donor eggs or sperm, having another woman carry your baby, the insecurity of perhaps not "bonding" with your child following birth.  Whilst at the time of considering your choice these issues may seem impassable, look beyond - for me they have faded into total insignificance.

If we did not choose surrogacy, I would not be holding these precious items now.  I would not be planning for Christmas, birthdays, holidays as a family.  I was happy in my life before James & Ivy; but I now live in another dimension.  One year ago today, we flew to Delhi to embark on our choice.

I look at my twins and they are totally, absolutely my children.  Regardless of how we got here.

Six weeks.

We have been home three weeks now and James and Ivy continue to thrive. At the last weigh in about two weeks ago, both had put on 1kg and were nearing the 3.5kg mark. Ivy unfortunately has had severe reflux and is on medication which is easing her pain somewhat.  James is such a placid easy-going guy and just loves to sleep.  They are both sleeping five to six hours through the night, which is just wonderful, particularly when it can take a while to settle Ivy down after a feed. 

To be totally honest, I am not sure how I would have coped if James had the same severity of reflux as Ivy.  It is incredibly taxing to try to soothe a little one and feeling the stress of seeing the pain in her eyes.  It can also be frustrating as there are many times when there is simply very little you can do to help.

In saying all of that, there is nothing that compares to being a Mum.  If there was ever any doubt as to how I would bond with my babies after being carried for 37 weeks by someone else, these were expelled immediately after birth.  I am loving the responsibility that comes with being a Mum and the emotional attachment that I have to these little humans.  It is so intense at times and when I look back pre babies, I understand now the huge void that existed in my life. 

They are very sweet, and of course they are smiling, talking almost walking because they are the most super-human babies ever.  Ivy will certainly be the strong-willed one and James will do whatever he's told, unless he's really annoyed, then all hell will break loose.  The cats have adapted well, except for one, who thinks there's a howling tomcat just around the corner whenever Ivy cries!  I have decided to feed James & Ivy individually during the day when I'm home alone, only by about 1/2 hour and by the time it's time for night sleep, I have adjusted so that they are feeding evenly.  Ivy loves her feeds and I can adapt her feeds to fit in with James, who needs his routine.  I find feed time very special and I just love holding and devoting my time solely on whomever I'm feeding.  I did try the simultaneous feed, but found this just was not for me.  It does mean that I do very little during the day other than feed, clean and settle my babies, but I figure everything else can wait in order of priority!

I still cannot believe that one year ago we had made our first trip to India.  It has been a remarkable journey and the last eight weeks have really been etched in my mind as the best in my life.

Ivy Margaret May

Ivy in her new outfit

James doing what he does best

First day home - with my darling nephews

James' cat's bum face

Homeward bound....

That's right.  Three weeks after arrival, 2.5 weeks after birth, we leave Delhi tomorrow (Sunday) evening.  Whilst it is great to be heading home, I can't but help feel a little sad.  There have been so many wonderful people that have helped us in India; people who have genuinely wanted to help us in reaching our final goal, to take our babies home.  Particularly SCI who have been as supportive and caring as ever; Poonam who assisted us with all of our documentation and provided us with invaluable advice has been an absolute godsend (and a lovely person) in helping us to get home sooner;  the efficient staff at the Australian High Commission who went above and beyond their duties; Rahul and his drivers who have been caring and knowledgable (and it has been wonderful to listen to their stories); Dr Tandon who delivered our babies and provided ongoing professional care in James' and Ivy's follow up appointments; the staff at the Hotel Svelte..... the list can continue forever. 

But it has all made an impression on us and as this part of our journey draws to a close, it is difficult to leave such a remarkable place where my reason for being started. 

Ivy & James - One week old!

This time last week we were blessed with the birth of our darling babies, Ivy & James.  It is hard to explain the emotion we felt whilst at the hospital awaiting their delivery, then being congratulated by the doctor on the birth of one boy and one girl.  We will never forget that.

Ivy & James have matured so much in only one week - their personalities are developing; Ivy being the sweet natured little girl (except for feed time); James is cheeky and sooky. 

Both are very healthy and continue to feed well.  Although our sleep is suffering (cough understatment) we are really loving the time we are able to spend with them at the moment, it is a very special time.

We are hopeful that we will be returning back home in 1.5 week's time, making our time here (post birth) of 2.5 weeks.  We are sooo looking forward to returning home and introducing Ivy & James to our family!!

Thanks everyone for your kind words & congratulations.  It is lovely to read all the comments and support out there.

Leap Year Babies....

We feel so special to welcome our darling twins - Ivy Margaret May & James Raymond George on 29 February. Although they were due on 1 March, they obviously wanted to be that bit special. Both are healthy - Ivy weighed 5lb7oz & James 5lb4oz. Both will be discharged tomorrow as they are taking their bottle so well.  We are so thankful to our surrogate and SCI of turning the last eight months of scans and reports into little human beans!

Ivy Margaret May

James Raymond George

The stork is enroute....

We arrived in Delhi on Saturday, in amidst of International World Book Week which kicked off on 25 Feb.   The Svelte is great, the shopping centre which adjoins is a nice and easy reprieve from the hotel room, and also has some lovely eating places.  Unfortunately, Jim has a nasty sinus infection and has not felt up to getting out and about. 

Much more exciting though, is the news that our surrogate will be having a c-section this Thursday, 1 March 2011, at 12pm (Delhi time).  We are so excited to hear this news, however, our thoughts are with Rena who has to go through this operation in order to give us our dreams.  There have been recent changes in relation to the exit process, in that the Govt of India has streamlined the process, so hopefully this means we will be able to return home a bit earlier than planned.
Krissie & Jim

Update - almost full term!

Not a great deal to report - we received an email from Deepika informing us "that our surrogate will be full term (37 weeks) by 29th February, 2012 and the due date is 21st March, 2012. So, the babies can be born on any day between 29th February, 2012 to 21st March, 2012.  In regards to the same, we would like to request you to please plan to be in India by 27th February, 2012".

It's quite amazing that back in Decemember when we booked our flights to Delhi, we had booked to depart 25 February.  The reason being - we thought it was as good a day as any, plus it would have been my mum's birthday.  Anyhow, we are still planning to depart this Saturday and will definitely be in India by 27th February!!!  There's every chance also I guess that the babies may be born on 29th February - I guess with twins one birthday every two years is fair enough :)

I really do hope that we won't have too long to wait in Delhi for the birth.  We have almost reached the excruciating summit of Mt Waiting, and are simply exhausted by the journey and the continual climb to reach the end.  Of course it will all be worth it, but the wait is tough.  Put simply, I want these babies now.  I have waited long enough in my almost 45 years of life and I do not want to wait another day more, only to wait another day more.  I know, it doesn't make sense, but I am over "being ready" and "patient".   Perhaps when we are in Delhi, the waiting won't seem quite as bad - maybe I will catch up on the sleep that I am not having now, perhaps I will just treat it as R&R, but more than likely, and quite probably, I will go nuts.  Oh, and also drive Jim incredibly nuts. 

So, two huge bags have been packed and I am quite happy with everything that we've managed to fit in.  It will feel strange getting on that plane to Delhi - we've done it twice before but this time will be very different.  Everything in our lives will change from this point forward.  Saying our farewells beforehand, knowing that when we see these people again, there will be four of us!  It is difficult to express how we are feeling at the moment; we are excited but I think this will really kick in when it all becomes a reality.

Congratulations to all of those who have had some wonderful results and thanks to those who have, and continue to,  provide inspirational and encouraging updates. 

Krissie & Jim

34 weeks and an update

We received an unexpected email from SCI last night - a scan of our babies at 34 weeks.  It now appears that Martha has picked up her eating habits and is now weighing in at 2092grams & Arthur now is at 2406 grams.  All is very well with our surrogate and bubs and of course we are so thankful.  We are ready to head to Delhi on 25 February, but it has been mentioned by some fellow surrogate friends that given the size of Arthur & Martha, they may actually arrive a little earlier than us!  Not to mention, if I hadn't slept soundly before this point, I ain't going to sleep at all now! 

I have been on maternity leave for one week and am really enjoying preparing for the birth of the babies.  I am so glad I took the time out to make the transition from "work mode", it's made a huge difference to my stress levels - I'm now stressfully relaxing....

I have to make mention to all the great people we have met through our surrogacy journey - the kind heartedness and comradeship of others going through, been through, about to go through, the journey is heartwarming.  We were really fortunate to have met up with a wonderful couple who have just celebrated their triplets' first birthday, born through surrogacy.  This meeting has finally brought realism to me, in a big way!

Discrepancy?

Our 32 week scan arrived last night and all is fine, EXCEPT there is a "discrepancy between the twins".  Little Martha is weighing in at 1714 grams; Arthur 2142 grams.  That's about a pound difference.  Whilst Dr Shivani has reviewed the report and found everything fine, except for the discrepancy, it is enough to unsettle us.  My anxiety is already at a level that causes me more anxiety; I would consider similar to consuming several energy drinks alternating with triple shot lattes.  I think I am a little uptight.  Hence the wine.  

We aren't sure what to expect with the birth and if in fact, the discrepancy means that an earlier birth may be imminent.  Arthur is in breech (typical) position Martha cephalic.  Anyhow, we are still planning to fly out on 25 February and be in India for the births.  I have decided to work only another week of work then commence annual leave, followed by maternity leave.  My work is so all consuming that I really want to have a break, albeit short, to stop thinking about work (constantly) and start thinking about the next phase in my life, being a mother. 

So, for now, I remain split between my best friends - my HP tablet and my mobile phone.  I am soooo looking forward to breaking it off with them (maybe) when I no longer have to rely on their companionship to receive my late night emails and research. 

32 weeks, almost

Almost 32 weeks and we are eagerly awaiting the next scan which is due towards the end of next week.  With all of the necessary documentation completed, we are now officially on standby for deployment of evacuation code yellow!  This means that we have done as much as humanly possible to prepare, pack, organise, and then re-pack, re-organise and re-check.  We are so fortunate that our pregnancy is progressing really well and have decided that we would like to be in Delhi for the birth, if possible.  Sounds easy, doesn't it.  We will wait to see the details on the next scan and then decide when we will travel.  DNA testing has been completed,  visas were received within one week of lodging and flights & accommodation booked.  I'm over the wait, just get me there.  Then perhaps it might feel real?

Although I am now thinking more and more of our babies; it still feels strange to think that we will be a family in a matter of a month or so.   I continually go into the nursery, not really looking at anything in particular, but I think just to confirm that it all is happening.  It still doesn't feel real; to think that less than one year ago we set out on this trek and here we are today.  I've had many trekking adventures, of a different type of course  - South America, Borneo, Nepal, Africa.  All have been satisfying, particularly when the end is reached and you're able to reflect on the challenges and obstacles overcome during the ordeal. There were many times during each when you wondered why you would put yourself through it, but at the end there always was a sense of euphoria and accomplishment.  Only if you had gone through it, would you experience this sensation - explanations don't seem to do these feelings justice.  I think that's what it's like with surrogacy and which can only be truly understood by those who are on the same trek as yourself.

On another note, every now & then I have total freak out where I become totally obsessed with finding out something I don't know.  While experimenting with my electronic steam steriliser, following the instructions word for word, I was given a demonstration by a friend of mine, a mother of two.  It soon become apparent to me that sterilisation in the context of clinical or medical sterilisation which is the only sterilisation I know, is NOT the same as sterilising soothers on your kitchen bench.  Anyway, after much frustrated discussion, I gave up.  The soothers do not need to be sterilised according to the national health standards to counteract an outbreak of infectious disease.  I have since learnt that I need to get out more on weekends.

I will be starting to pack our bags this coming weekend, so will def be referring to some blogs to help out.  Nothing like organising and re-organising to pass the time.  I will update details next week of Arthur & Martha when the scans are received.

Just for something cute....

Ok, it's not a baby, but it's pretty damn cute!  Woke up and found him (or her) in our Jacaranda tree in our backyard.... the cats were terrified to say the least...

The Wall

Lo and behold.  Our scan last week revealed that our baby twins are growing fat and happy.  What a relief it was to quell my irrational fears.  The babies are still there, they haven't performed a vanishing act and disappeared into thin air, nor have they been abducted by some kind of infertile alien.  No, there they are, sitting on their bottoms taking it all in. (Mmmmm, let's hope that's not a sign of things to come!).

They are now 29 weeks, or 7 months, or birth minus approx 7 weeks.  I'm as prepared as I can practically be; however, the emotions that ensued I could not prepare for.  Xmas Day was the milestone for me - that was the date that I wanted to reach because Arthur & Martha would be at the 7 month mark and  it then all "becomes real".  Well, from Xmas Day, can I tell you, hellllooooo emotions!  And why?  Because my "wall" is crumbling.  It's crumbling, because it can; my dependency on this barricade that has taken me years to build as a self protection measure is falling apart.  I no longer have to hide behind it when I'm faced with a situation I don't want to be in, but have to be, involving children, ie other people's children.  The wall is crumbling, almost piece by piece, and my emotions are opening up and leaking through.  In other words, I am a bumbling mess.  But I am relieved; relieved at the fact that I will soon no longer need the wall. 

On another note, our visas arrived today which took less than one week to process.  Flights have been arranged, accommodation booked, maternity leave confirmed, nursery established.  Now all we have to do is wait......... I do agree with Suzie though, the time is FLYING and has gone so quickly.  This time last year, our area was hard hit with devastating floods; we had just returned from a trip to the UK and were unable to return to work as we couldn't get out of our street.  To think that so much has happened in the course of a year...to think so much will change in the matter of weeks..... yikes and yippee

Christmas was lovely; we received many lovely gifts from our family for the babies, particularly two beautiful mobiles that have been imported from Asia.  They are a type of paper mache - one with brightly coloured birds, the other with elephants.  They will be treasured forever. 

For those starting out on their journey, I truly hope 2012 will be a wonderful year for you.  It has taken us a lot of years and heartache to get there, but it certainly looks like 2012 will be the wonderful year we have been seeking for so long.