You are so brave......

A number of my work colleagues have said this phrase to me, not because I have just explained our surrogacy situation, but because I decided to go all out and get my hair chopped off.   With tongue in cheek, my response has been "if you call this brave, we're having twins in India".  I do love my new hair cut, but I love even more the fact that we are now just over the 27 week mark.  Eveyone has been so supportive and my work friends are continually coming up with the positives of going through surrogacy.  I really don't work with a bunch of alcholics, but the fact that I can still drink alcohol whilst pregnant continues to be at the top of the list, followed closely by the lack of stretch marks.

Whilst Arthur & Martha continue to grow, the time is ticking by, slowly.  I would say that with monthly updates, sometimes it is easy to "forget" for a minute that we will be parents very soon.  In saying that, I'm prepared - the spare room has been converted to a nursery, in the sense that it is FULL of baby gear which I have picked up at sales.  I haven't organised the nursery, everything is still packed up, but at least I know it's there.  I am pleased to say that I have not made a purchase of an item at full price & most of the purchases have been online.

I have, on two occasions, visited a baby shop where very young (ok a fair bit younger than me which really doesn't make them that young) and very pregnant (and not as pregnant as me, but of course I'm not showing) walk around rubbing their bellies.  When asked by a fellow elderly gentleman who was shopping in this particular shop, if we were looking at baby stuff for our daughter as he was for his (and I might add he looked 20 years older than me) I simply did not have a response.  I just needed to escape, which we did.  In hindsight, there was no ill intent, I think it was just the shock of it for me, and I just wasn't prepared for it.  I should have taken the time to explain, which I have since to people who have heard something babyish is happening for us and there expectations have been that we are about to become grandparents.  Oh well, it's all part of the journey and there are many things you just can't prepare yourself for.

When we found out we were successful with this surrogacy, I never thought I would be able to make it to Xmas.  It seemed so far away and my thoughts were that surely, if I did make it to Xmas, I would just be beside myself with wonderful thoughts of impending motherhood.  Well, we did make it to Xmas and we are so looking forward to parenthood, but there is also an element of it all being very surreal.  I think it will only feel "real" when we hold our babies for the first time, maybe not even then, maybe holding them for the second time.  My god, what if I won't be able to stop holding them because I cannot believe that they're mine!  I cannot even imagine what it will feel like to hold my baby/ies, probably because I have never allowed myself to really think about it in the past, as it was just never going to be.

But it is going to be.  And there are simply no words to adequately thank our surrogate and Dr Shivani and her team, for making this happen.  It is going to happen, after years of sadness, after months of doubt and pessimism, this will be our last Xmas as a couple.  We are going to have a family.   There, I've said it and I now believe it.  Finally.

Merry Xmas to all and may 2012 bring you much happiness and hope.