Our 32 week scan arrived last night and all is fine, EXCEPT there is a "discrepancy between the twins". Little Martha is weighing in at 1714 grams; Arthur 2142 grams. That's about a pound difference. Whilst Dr Shivani has reviewed the report and found everything fine, except for the discrepancy, it is enough to unsettle us. My anxiety is already at a level that causes me more anxiety; I would consider similar to consuming several energy drinks alternating with triple shot lattes. I think I am a little uptight. Hence the wine.
We aren't sure what to expect with the birth and if in fact, the discrepancy means that an earlier birth may be imminent. Arthur is in breech (typical) position Martha cephalic. Anyhow, we are still planning to fly out on 25 February and be in India for the births. I have decided to work only another week of work then commence annual leave, followed by maternity leave. My work is so all consuming that I really want to have a break, albeit short, to stop thinking about work (constantly) and start thinking about the next phase in my life, being a mother.
So, for now, I remain split between my best friends - my HP tablet and my mobile phone. I am soooo looking forward to breaking it off with them (maybe) when I no longer have to rely on their companionship to receive my late night emails and research.
Friday, 3 February 2012
Friday, 27 January 2012
32 weeks, almost
Almost 32 weeks and we are eagerly awaiting the next scan which is due towards the end of next week. With all of the necessary documentation completed, we are now officially on standby for deployment of evacuation code yellow! This means that we have done as much as humanly possible to prepare, pack, organise, and then re-pack, re-organise and re-check. We are so fortunate that our pregnancy is progressing really well and have decided that we would like to be in Delhi for the birth, if possible. Sounds easy, doesn't it. We will wait to see the details on the next scan and then decide when we will travel. DNA testing has been completed, visas were received within one week of lodging and flights & accommodation booked. I'm over the wait, just get me there. Then perhaps it might feel real?
Although I am now thinking more and more of our babies; it still feels strange to think that we will be a family in a matter of a month or so. I continually go into the nursery, not really looking at anything in particular, but I think just to confirm that it all is happening. It still doesn't feel real; to think that less than one year ago we set out on this trek and here we are today. I've had many trekking adventures, of a different type of course - South America, Borneo, Nepal, Africa. All have been satisfying, particularly when the end is reached and you're able to reflect on the challenges and obstacles overcome during the ordeal. There were many times during each when you wondered why you would put yourself through it, but at the end there always was a sense of euphoria and accomplishment. Only if you had gone through it, would you experience this sensation - explanations don't seem to do these feelings justice. I think that's what it's like with surrogacy and which can only be truly understood by those who are on the same trek as yourself.
On another note, every now & then I have total freak out where I become totally obsessed with finding out something I don't know. While experimenting with my electronic steam steriliser, following the instructions word for word, I was given a demonstration by a friend of mine, a mother of two. It soon become apparent to me that sterilisation in the context of clinical or medical sterilisation which is the only sterilisation I know, is NOT the same as sterilising soothers on your kitchen bench. Anyway, after much frustrated discussion, I gave up. The soothers do not need to be sterilised according to the national health standards to counteract an outbreak of infectious disease. I have since learnt that I need to get out more on weekends.
I will be starting to pack our bags this coming weekend, so will def be referring to some blogs to help out. Nothing like organising and re-organising to pass the time. I will update details next week of Arthur & Martha when the scans are received.
Although I am now thinking more and more of our babies; it still feels strange to think that we will be a family in a matter of a month or so. I continually go into the nursery, not really looking at anything in particular, but I think just to confirm that it all is happening. It still doesn't feel real; to think that less than one year ago we set out on this trek and here we are today. I've had many trekking adventures, of a different type of course - South America, Borneo, Nepal, Africa. All have been satisfying, particularly when the end is reached and you're able to reflect on the challenges and obstacles overcome during the ordeal. There were many times during each when you wondered why you would put yourself through it, but at the end there always was a sense of euphoria and accomplishment. Only if you had gone through it, would you experience this sensation - explanations don't seem to do these feelings justice. I think that's what it's like with surrogacy and which can only be truly understood by those who are on the same trek as yourself.
On another note, every now & then I have total freak out where I become totally obsessed with finding out something I don't know. While experimenting with my electronic steam steriliser, following the instructions word for word, I was given a demonstration by a friend of mine, a mother of two. It soon become apparent to me that sterilisation in the context of clinical or medical sterilisation which is the only sterilisation I know, is NOT the same as sterilising soothers on your kitchen bench. Anyway, after much frustrated discussion, I gave up. The soothers do not need to be sterilised according to the national health standards to counteract an outbreak of infectious disease. I have since learnt that I need to get out more on weekends.
I will be starting to pack our bags this coming weekend, so will def be referring to some blogs to help out. Nothing like organising and re-organising to pass the time. I will update details next week of Arthur & Martha when the scans are received.
Friday, 13 January 2012
Just for something cute....
Ok, it's not a baby, but it's pretty damn cute! Woke up and found him (or her) in our Jacaranda tree in our backyard.... the cats were terrified to say the least...
Wednesday, 11 January 2012
The Wall
Lo and behold. Our scan last week revealed that our baby twins are growing fat and happy. What a relief it was to quell my irrational fears. The babies are still there, they haven't performed a vanishing act and disappeared into thin air, nor have they been abducted by some kind of infertile alien. No, there they are, sitting on their bottoms taking it all in. (Mmmmm, let's hope that's not a sign of things to come!).
They are now 29 weeks, or 7 months, or birth minus approx 7 weeks. I'm as prepared as I can practically be; however, the emotions that ensued I could not prepare for. Xmas Day was the milestone for me - that was the date that I wanted to reach because Arthur & Martha would be at the 7 month mark and it then all "becomes real". Well, from Xmas Day, can I tell you, hellllooooo emotions! And why? Because my "wall" is crumbling. It's crumbling, because it can; my dependency on this barricade that has taken me years to build as a self protection measure is falling apart. I no longer have to hide behind it when I'm faced with a situation I don't want to be in, but have to be, involving children, ie other people's children. The wall is crumbling, almost piece by piece, and my emotions are opening up and leaking through. In other words, I am a bumbling mess. But I am relieved; relieved at the fact that I will soon no longer need the wall.
On another note, our visas arrived today which took less than one week to process. Flights have been arranged, accommodation booked, maternity leave confirmed, nursery established. Now all we have to do is wait......... I do agree with Suzie though, the time is FLYING and has gone so quickly. This time last year, our area was hard hit with devastating floods; we had just returned from a trip to the UK and were unable to return to work as we couldn't get out of our street. To think that so much has happened in the course of a year...to think so much will change in the matter of weeks..... yikes and yippee
Christmas was lovely; we received many lovely gifts from our family for the babies, particularly two beautiful mobiles that have been imported from Asia. They are a type of paper mache - one with brightly coloured birds, the other with elephants. They will be treasured forever.
For those starting out on their journey, I truly hope 2012 will be a wonderful year for you. It has taken us a lot of years and heartache to get there, but it certainly looks like 2012 will be the wonderful year we have been seeking for so long.
They are now 29 weeks, or 7 months, or birth minus approx 7 weeks. I'm as prepared as I can practically be; however, the emotions that ensued I could not prepare for. Xmas Day was the milestone for me - that was the date that I wanted to reach because Arthur & Martha would be at the 7 month mark and it then all "becomes real". Well, from Xmas Day, can I tell you, hellllooooo emotions! And why? Because my "wall" is crumbling. It's crumbling, because it can; my dependency on this barricade that has taken me years to build as a self protection measure is falling apart. I no longer have to hide behind it when I'm faced with a situation I don't want to be in, but have to be, involving children, ie other people's children. The wall is crumbling, almost piece by piece, and my emotions are opening up and leaking through. In other words, I am a bumbling mess. But I am relieved; relieved at the fact that I will soon no longer need the wall.
On another note, our visas arrived today which took less than one week to process. Flights have been arranged, accommodation booked, maternity leave confirmed, nursery established. Now all we have to do is wait......... I do agree with Suzie though, the time is FLYING and has gone so quickly. This time last year, our area was hard hit with devastating floods; we had just returned from a trip to the UK and were unable to return to work as we couldn't get out of our street. To think that so much has happened in the course of a year...to think so much will change in the matter of weeks..... yikes and yippee
Christmas was lovely; we received many lovely gifts from our family for the babies, particularly two beautiful mobiles that have been imported from Asia. They are a type of paper mache - one with brightly coloured birds, the other with elephants. They will be treasured forever.
For those starting out on their journey, I truly hope 2012 will be a wonderful year for you. It has taken us a lot of years and heartache to get there, but it certainly looks like 2012 will be the wonderful year we have been seeking for so long.
Thursday, 22 December 2011
You are so brave......
A number of my work colleagues have said this phrase to me, not because I have just explained our surrogacy situation, but because I decided to go all out and get my hair chopped off. With tongue in cheek, my response has been "if you call this brave, we're having twins in India". I do love my new hair cut, but I love even more the fact that we are now just over the 27 week mark. Eveyone has been so supportive and my work friends are continually coming up with the positives of going through surrogacy. I really don't work with a bunch of alcholics, but the fact that I can still drink alcohol whilst pregnant continues to be at the top of the list, followed closely by the lack of stretch marks.
Whilst Arthur & Martha continue to grow, the time is ticking by, slowly. I would say that with monthly updates, sometimes it is easy to "forget" for a minute that we will be parents very soon. In saying that, I'm prepared - the spare room has been converted to a nursery, in the sense that it is FULL of baby gear which I have picked up at sales. I haven't organised the nursery, everything is still packed up, but at least I know it's there. I am pleased to say that I have not made a purchase of an item at full price & most of the purchases have been online.
I have, on two occasions, visited a baby shop where very young (ok a fair bit younger than me which really doesn't make them that young) and very pregnant (and not as pregnant as me, but of course I'm not showing) walk around rubbing their bellies. When asked by a fellow elderly gentleman who was shopping in this particular shop, if we were looking at baby stuff for our daughter as he was for his (and I might add he looked 20 years older than me) I simply did not have a response. I just needed to escape, which we did. In hindsight, there was no ill intent, I think it was just the shock of it for me, and I just wasn't prepared for it. I should have taken the time to explain, which I have since to people who have heard something babyish is happening for us and there expectations have been that we are about to become grandparents. Oh well, it's all part of the journey and there are many things you just can't prepare yourself for.
When we found out we were successful with this surrogacy, I never thought I would be able to make it to Xmas. It seemed so far away and my thoughts were that surely, if I did make it to Xmas, I would just be beside myself with wonderful thoughts of impending motherhood. Well, we did make it to Xmas and we are so looking forward to parenthood, but there is also an element of it all being very surreal. I think it will only feel "real" when we hold our babies for the first time, maybe not even then, maybe holding them for the second time. My god, what if I won't be able to stop holding them because I cannot believe that they're mine! I cannot even imagine what it will feel like to hold my baby/ies, probably because I have never allowed myself to really think about it in the past, as it was just never going to be.
But it is going to be. And there are simply no words to adequately thank our surrogate and Dr Shivani and her team, for making this happen. It is going to happen, after years of sadness, after months of doubt and pessimism, this will be our last Xmas as a couple. We are going to have a family. There, I've said it and I now believe it. Finally.
Merry Xmas to all and may 2012 bring you much happiness and hope.
Whilst Arthur & Martha continue to grow, the time is ticking by, slowly. I would say that with monthly updates, sometimes it is easy to "forget" for a minute that we will be parents very soon. In saying that, I'm prepared - the spare room has been converted to a nursery, in the sense that it is FULL of baby gear which I have picked up at sales. I haven't organised the nursery, everything is still packed up, but at least I know it's there. I am pleased to say that I have not made a purchase of an item at full price & most of the purchases have been online.
I have, on two occasions, visited a baby shop where very young (ok a fair bit younger than me which really doesn't make them that young) and very pregnant (and not as pregnant as me, but of course I'm not showing) walk around rubbing their bellies. When asked by a fellow elderly gentleman who was shopping in this particular shop, if we were looking at baby stuff for our daughter as he was for his (and I might add he looked 20 years older than me) I simply did not have a response. I just needed to escape, which we did. In hindsight, there was no ill intent, I think it was just the shock of it for me, and I just wasn't prepared for it. I should have taken the time to explain, which I have since to people who have heard something babyish is happening for us and there expectations have been that we are about to become grandparents. Oh well, it's all part of the journey and there are many things you just can't prepare yourself for.
When we found out we were successful with this surrogacy, I never thought I would be able to make it to Xmas. It seemed so far away and my thoughts were that surely, if I did make it to Xmas, I would just be beside myself with wonderful thoughts of impending motherhood. Well, we did make it to Xmas and we are so looking forward to parenthood, but there is also an element of it all being very surreal. I think it will only feel "real" when we hold our babies for the first time, maybe not even then, maybe holding them for the second time. My god, what if I won't be able to stop holding them because I cannot believe that they're mine! I cannot even imagine what it will feel like to hold my baby/ies, probably because I have never allowed myself to really think about it in the past, as it was just never going to be.
But it is going to be. And there are simply no words to adequately thank our surrogate and Dr Shivani and her team, for making this happen. It is going to happen, after years of sadness, after months of doubt and pessimism, this will be our last Xmas as a couple. We are going to have a family. There, I've said it and I now believe it. Finally.
Merry Xmas to all and may 2012 bring you much happiness and hope.
Wednesday, 23 November 2011
and let the truth be told...
To tell or not to tell.... How much longer could we realistically keep this a secret from most of my colleagues and senior management, although the thought of just turning up to work with twins sounded a bit like fun to me. I became reliant on the "let's just wait until the next scan/update" and realised that soon this will become "let's just wait until we are back with the babies", possibly then extending out to "let's just wait until their first birthday is over". Realistically though, I knew the time had come. My manager had known for some time and I gave him the "ok" last week to advise the founders of the College (who happen to be his parents)! It became known as operation "Arthur & Martha", and it was deployed in a fashion that rivalled any military operation in history, or possibly earlier.
I might add that I was sick at the thought of people knowing. I had become comfortable with my two worlds; work was work and home was home. I never allowed these to mix during operation "Arthur & Martha", otherwise I would have gone absolutely, completely bonkers. I realised how much I wanted people to accept our situation as "normal" and how much the people I work with meant to me.
Ok, so how do I tell them. My boss told his managers (parents) and they were extremely happy for me with hugs and words of understanding. That was my first tears, I don't usually cry, well not in front of people or animals. This wasn't how I wanted to display my emotions, I was losing control, oh blast. But I could not help it. I began to tell more people and always started my conversation with "I won't be here for at least four months next year...". The looks of concern confused me - no-one had thought that it would be due to me having babies (no doubt because I'm past the "child bearing age", just). They were expecting some dreadful life threatening news like I was about to undergo some radical extensive treatment for a brain tumour or the like. I quickly changed my leading statement.
Anyhow, everyone has been absolutely wonderful. And it has been a huge gargantuous massive relief for me. I can talk about the babies, openly. People now know and ask me questions. Mission accomplished. News is spreading. I'm receiving phone calls from long lost friends, thanks to a very excited sister in law who has been placed on blood pressure tablets and believes this is due to the fact that I would not allow her to tell people sooner. My nephew on the other hand, is a little put out, and doesn't want girl cousins.
The one person though that I would have loved to have told is my mum. She passed away last year but I know that she would be so so happy and she has our little baby girl from earlier this year in her arms, who is aptly named after her.
So for all of you who are worried about telling people your news, use your gut feel, you do know when the time is right. It isn't always the same for everyone; it's when you feel as comfortable as you think you can be, that is, without waiting until your child/children turns 21!
I might add that I was sick at the thought of people knowing. I had become comfortable with my two worlds; work was work and home was home. I never allowed these to mix during operation "Arthur & Martha", otherwise I would have gone absolutely, completely bonkers. I realised how much I wanted people to accept our situation as "normal" and how much the people I work with meant to me.
Ok, so how do I tell them. My boss told his managers (parents) and they were extremely happy for me with hugs and words of understanding. That was my first tears, I don't usually cry, well not in front of people or animals. This wasn't how I wanted to display my emotions, I was losing control, oh blast. But I could not help it. I began to tell more people and always started my conversation with "I won't be here for at least four months next year...". The looks of concern confused me - no-one had thought that it would be due to me having babies (no doubt because I'm past the "child bearing age", just). They were expecting some dreadful life threatening news like I was about to undergo some radical extensive treatment for a brain tumour or the like. I quickly changed my leading statement.
Anyhow, everyone has been absolutely wonderful. And it has been a huge gargantuous massive relief for me. I can talk about the babies, openly. People now know and ask me questions. Mission accomplished. News is spreading. I'm receiving phone calls from long lost friends, thanks to a very excited sister in law who has been placed on blood pressure tablets and believes this is due to the fact that I would not allow her to tell people sooner. My nephew on the other hand, is a little put out, and doesn't want girl cousins.
The one person though that I would have loved to have told is my mum. She passed away last year but I know that she would be so so happy and she has our little baby girl from earlier this year in her arms, who is aptly named after her.
So for all of you who are worried about telling people your news, use your gut feel, you do know when the time is right. It isn't always the same for everyone; it's when you feel as comfortable as you think you can be, that is, without waiting until your child/children turns 21!
Saturday, 5 November 2011
Paranoia, maybe
It has been some time since my last post. Not because I haven't thought about it or I haven't had time. It's due to a condition I've developed since IVF called "PARANOIA". I have a sense that as soon as I open my heart and tell the world, something so dreadful will happen that I so regret having opened my heart (& mouth) in the first place. This I learnt quickly through IVF when I was convinced that it would all turn out right THE FIRST TIME. But it most certainly didn't! It's now time though that we do seriously have to start communicating, otherwise there are going to be some very very confused people in a few months time! Our surrogate mother continues to carry for us, with twins, whom I've aptly named Arthur & Martha. They are now 20 weeks, crap, that's five months. The time has gone quickly, no it hasn't, it's gone slowly, but quickly, but stressfully. I don't really know, I just know that as soon as we return with Arthur & Martha in our arms, I am going to place my phone on silent, permanently. If I get an email at 11.34pm, I will not care. I will check my email at a godly hour, like when I wake up! What a luxury that will be!
Arthur & Martha are doing wonderfully well; the porky one (who of course is Arthur) is thriving; the shy, petite twin, Martha, is smart and cunning, of course. She shows only parts of her face each time, unlike Arthur, who appears to be very photogenic.
Panic is imminent. The realisation that we are at 5 months seems surreal. Although I have been gradually purchasing items (all items on special I might add), I am now concerned that I may have overlooked something. What if I have missed something, what if I haven't got an item that I don't know what it is, but I need it, or might need, or use once, or not at all but is there just in case. I'm so convinced that if I don't get these items now, whatever they may be, that as soon as the babies arrive, the shopping centre down the road will self combust, my car will no longer operate, I will have no friends, relatives or even husband able to get something for me. If only I had purchased THAT item. What kind of mother will I be.
I had informed my boss some time back and now a handful of people know; people I have chosen to know. Most of my colleagues do not know; my boss has said that whenever I am ready, we will communicate to everyone. The problem is , I am not ever going to be ready, not until my babies are back here. But I know that I can't wait that long, I know that people need to know, that I can't go on pretending that things are "normal". Working in a school, most people take leave at the end of the term, that is in three weeks' time. They do not return until late January. By that time we will be another 10 weeks advanced and almost due. Monday is the day that I will tell my boss that I'm ready. Well, kinda ready, maybe. Or maybe the week after...
Needless to say it has been a journey, we had lost two babies with another surrogate and we are so pleased that we went with two surrogates as we wouldn't now have Arthur & Martha. It would be horrendous to think what we would be feeling like if we only went with the one. My recommendation, anyone able to go with two surrogates, should. We are wonderfully happy and so ready to become a family. Thank you Dr Shivani and team; we knew what we started with and we wanted to end with, but it's Dr Shivani and her team that have made the journey for us.
Arthur & Martha are doing wonderfully well; the porky one (who of course is Arthur) is thriving; the shy, petite twin, Martha, is smart and cunning, of course. She shows only parts of her face each time, unlike Arthur, who appears to be very photogenic.
Panic is imminent. The realisation that we are at 5 months seems surreal. Although I have been gradually purchasing items (all items on special I might add), I am now concerned that I may have overlooked something. What if I have missed something, what if I haven't got an item that I don't know what it is, but I need it, or might need, or use once, or not at all but is there just in case. I'm so convinced that if I don't get these items now, whatever they may be, that as soon as the babies arrive, the shopping centre down the road will self combust, my car will no longer operate, I will have no friends, relatives or even husband able to get something for me. If only I had purchased THAT item. What kind of mother will I be.
I had informed my boss some time back and now a handful of people know; people I have chosen to know. Most of my colleagues do not know; my boss has said that whenever I am ready, we will communicate to everyone. The problem is , I am not ever going to be ready, not until my babies are back here. But I know that I can't wait that long, I know that people need to know, that I can't go on pretending that things are "normal". Working in a school, most people take leave at the end of the term, that is in three weeks' time. They do not return until late January. By that time we will be another 10 weeks advanced and almost due. Monday is the day that I will tell my boss that I'm ready. Well, kinda ready, maybe. Or maybe the week after...
Needless to say it has been a journey, we had lost two babies with another surrogate and we are so pleased that we went with two surrogates as we wouldn't now have Arthur & Martha. It would be horrendous to think what we would be feeling like if we only went with the one. My recommendation, anyone able to go with two surrogates, should. We are wonderfully happy and so ready to become a family. Thank you Dr Shivani and team; we knew what we started with and we wanted to end with, but it's Dr Shivani and her team that have made the journey for us.
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